Skip to main content
Being PresentChildrenMarriageParenting

Are You a 1-in-4 Woman? Remembering the One You Can’t Forget

By October 14, 20222 Comments
You can't forget

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This day honors grieving parents, the 1-in-4 who can’t forget, and other relatives and provides an opportunity to celebrate and mourn their children lost from miscarriage, stillborn, death from SIDS, and other infant death causes.

Did you know?

  • 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage
  • Nearly 2,000,000 babies are stillborn
  • Divorce rates increase by 22% after a miscarriage and 40% after a stillbirth

There are no words to explain this type of loss.

There’s no way to make it better. It won’t ever be better. You can’t forget.

The only hope comes from clinging to God, who understands what you can’t forget.

No mom or dad wants to be part of this sister- or brotherhood. You can’t replace the empty arms, the sense of loss, and the death of dreams.

As fellow humans, we get to come alongside the grieving ones with kindness, listening ears and hearts, and prayer. We get to allow the person suffering to express their pain in their way and in their time. We get to weep with them and laugh with them. If we’re wise and sensitive because we listen to God, we get to be Jesus-with-skin-on people.

How can you support someone you know facing this pain?

  1. Pray for them. Only God can bring peace and comfort in this pain.
  2. Create a Remembrance candle. There is a video tutorial and instructions on the nowilaymedowntosleep.org website, or download the written instructions here.
  3. Order a Keepsake Ornament for your loved one.
  4. Help them connect with Foreknown Ministries, where they can receive numerous services.
  5. Send a personalized gift basket from Treasured in Heaven, a non-profit organization that seeks to come alongside grieving parents.
  6. Listen often and well. Don’t worry about having answers. There aren’t any.
  7. Provide a meal or send a Door Dash gift certificate to their favorite restaurant.
  8. Give lots of hugs if that’s something they like.
  9. Allow them to talk about the baby in their way.
  10. Be careful with your words. Unless you’ve gone through this pain, you cannot comprehend the loss they feel.

Several other countries have also adopted this day and the month of October as a time to remember well the children no longer with us.

This year, International Wave of Light events are planned for 7:00 p.m. on October 15. Check your local information to support this heartwarming event.

A local organization in my area, Foreknown Ministries, provides fantastic support for parents and families facing this devastating loss. I love their mission and the hope they provide. Please check them out.

At the very least, would you light a candle at 7:00 p.m. for someone you know who’s experienced this tragedy? And please pray for the parents dealing with this horrible grief.

Remembering the one I can’t forget

On October 17, 1984, I miscarried our second child. Though the pain lessens, I never forget. Someday soon, I’ll meet this child and understand what makes no sense on this earth. And this year, I’ll also remember another sweet child I can’t wait to meet in eternity.

Like you, I have no answers, but I know Jesus. May this prayer bless you.

Dear Jesus, only you know why this child will not walk this earth. The grief and weight of this pain are too much, God. I don’t understand why, yet you promise to wipe away every tear. Someday. Today as I weep tears from the deepest part of my being, hold me close. Show me you are real, God. I need you. Would you hold my sweet baby close and tell that precious one how much they are loved and missed? How my arms ache, God. Give me the courage to take another breath, to look for hope, and to trust you to carry me through this blackness. I’m clinging to you, my anchor, my only hope.

Matthew 5:4
God blesses those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

  • Kirsten D Samuel

    I empower Christian wives to discover they are seen, loved, and heard. These women find the freedom to be who they are beyond their partner’s struggles, and find hope that there is a life worth living.

2 Comments