Recently, while snuggling with my newest grandchild, I marveled at the pristine beauty of her skin. Soft, supple, warm, and beautiful with nothing to mar the expanse. My hands cradling her have scars. Most notably, the half-moon shaped mark on my forefinger.
But what do the scars no one sees reveal?
We all do—emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds that leave their mark. These are the ones we fight to keep hidden. We believe the worst thing we could do is to expose the hurt to the light. Therefore, we work to keep them protected and undiscovered by others.
But, I believe others observe those wounds more often than we understand. Our words, thoughts, and actions reflect those hidden wounds. And because we haven’t had the courage yet to bring them out in the open, those scars fester, decay, and eventually rot. They rob us of the abundant life God tells us He desires to give us.
How have I come to this conclusion?
Because I lived it, and so did my husband. We feared revealing the pain hidden in our memories, thoughts, and actions believing that exposing that hidden pain would bring complete rejection from each other or those around us.
But, we were wrong.
The best thing we did was tell the truth.
We raised our hands and said, “We need help.” And Dave bravely said, “I am addicted to pornography.” His exposure dated back to childhood, but the scars and wounds remained. We worked with professionals to find a way up and out of the pit. Then we learned how shame and even boredom could drive someone to “medicate” in different ways instead of finding true healing.
Today our scars reveal the healing from past wounds.
Just like the physical half-moon scar on my forefinger, these are reminders that “surgery” restored usefulness.
What if we thought of our scars as evidence of our strength?
Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by rejoining the damaged pieces with a lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The resulting pottery becomes usable as well as a beautiful reminder of the damage.
It’s the same with you and me.
Your scars reveal your strength through your
-
Humanity.
One thing we have in common is our humanness. We live in this world, dream, fight, reconcile, and get wounded. Sometimes, we are the one who wounds.
-
Relatability.
When you can honestly talk about the reality of life, others find the freedom to be themselves. They realize they don’t have to be perfect around you. You understand and experience the same challenges they do.
-
Adaptability.
Experience is a powerful teacher. You learn to adapt. Notice someone you know or meet who has a physical disability. How have they adapted to their environment? Their wound makes them stronger.
-
Attractability.
Look at the kintsugi pottery again. Isn’t it stunning? The cost increases based on the number of repairs made. Each additional repair (wound) takes more time to heal, thus increasing its value. Your wounds and subsequent healing creates an inner beauty that radiates from you. Whether you ever consider yourself physically beautiful or not, your inner beauty changes your outward appearance, which others find attractive.
-
Survivability.
You made it through (or are making it through). And those scars remind you, “You’re still here and have a purpose.” You are tougher than you think.
Reclaim the lies about what your scars reveal.
- Your wounds tell you that you are alone. Others understand and will help you if you reach out.
- Scars become beauty marks when you allow the Holy Spirit to clean, cauterize, and create new flesh where there was dirt, disease, and death. He does the work; you live free.
People notice our scars.
Those scars tell a story if we let them.
Your scars aren’t there to punish you.
They show the grace you’ve received for today.Your scars create new beauty you wouldn’t have any other way. They show your resilience and determination to overcome the wounds—if you let them.
- Refuse to believe that you need to hide your scar.
Please share it with someone today. And if you struggle to see the beauty in your scar or feel your wound will never heal, I promise you it will. Take the risk. If you don’t have someone you feel will listen, I would be honored if you shared your scars with me.
Scars reveal our strength.
For years I wondered why God allowed this horrible pain in my life. Not anymore. I believe God allowed this pain and scar to draw me closer to Him and care for other women whose husbands are addicted to pornography.
Research shows that online porn viewing rates are just as high in men who attend church as those who don’t. And TechCrunch reports online porn viewing increases infidelity in marriages by 300%. I was shocked. But I’m not anymore. I know there’s a battle for our husbands’ hearts. And it is destroying marriages.
I help wounded women heal from this horrible pain. You deserve to heal whether he decides to change or not. You don’t have to live with the pain of that scar. I can help.
