Have you ever had an internal imaginary argument with someone?
Maybe it was after a highly emotional confrontation. Perhaps it was with your boss or colleague over a work-related issue. You think about everything you could say that would win the argument or paint you as a brilliant debater. You replay the scenario multiple times, even when you tell yourself to stop it.
According to an article on PsycheCentral.com, this repeating dialogue is called rumination—having certain thoughts on repeat.
Anyone who deals with PTSD, anxiety, depression, or phobias may experience these “thoughts on repeat” often involuntarily.
This ruminating process can be beneficial.
For instance, if you face a complex issue that you need to resolve, your brain runs the replay and looks for solutions. 👍🏻 Eventually, you find the answer.
Often, though, rumination increases your anxiety and fear.
I remember replaying my husband’s porn struggle confession repeatedly. Along with that replay, I recalled other unconnected snippets that pointed to his struggle with porn. My mind wanted me to look at different responses and the optional outcomes. Perhaps then I could avoid the pain. However, every replay only enhanced strong emotions and pushed me deeper into depression. I felt stupid for missing the signs. The negative self-talk grew louder with each replay.
This type of ruminating doesn’t help you move forward. As my coach said, I wasted emotional energy on this type of mental exercise because I couldn’t change the past. I could only impact my future.
Through counseling and coaching, I learned how to stop the rumination replays related to his porn use. Let’s look at how you can do this as well.
1. Capture your thoughts.
In 2 Corinthians 10, the Apostle Paul encourages us to capture rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. In the book of Philippians we are encouraged to think on things that are honorable and good.
Every time the replay starts, review these two Bible passages and others that help you capture your thoughts. Pray. Out loud if necessary. Ask God to replace the negative language with his truth.
I did this often throughout many days. Eventually, the rumination came less frequently. You are never stuck in this pattern. There is a way out.
2. Focus on your present.
Ruminating is all about the past. These thoughts rob you of your present situations and relationships. Plus, you can’t change the past. What happened, happened. Constantly thinking about what you “could have done” doesn’t change a thing. In Ephesians 2, God tells us we were this way, but now we are made new in Christ Jesus.
One coach taught me to talk to that persistent thought. This could sound like, “Okay, rumination, I know what happened. If I had known what I know today, I could have done something different. But I didn’t. I’ve grown since then. I’m focusing on my life today.”
That simple conversation can interrupt the thought process. It’s like giving yourself permission to let it go.
3. Dream about your future.
My counselor friend often reminds me that we need something to look forward to (thanks, Linda). When was the last time you dreamed about your future? Constant rumination dampens your dreaming abilities.
Dreams allow you to expand your horizons. As a child, my favorite place to dream was outside under a tree, swinging in a hammock. I’d grab a book, start reading, and ride my imagination to a place I’d never visited. I’d imagine what it would be like to live in that place or era.
God promises you hope and a future even though your world today feels painful. Look forward, dream about possibilities, and trust God to do what feels impossible.
Every person rehashes certain events at times.
It may help you process a painful memory or disappointment. In many cases, the ruminating thoughts wind down and come less often.
However, if you find you cannot stop the replays, seek professional help.
A woman who experiences betrayal trauma could get stuck in these negative replays. If that’s you, let’s talk. The constant replays without resolution don’t serve you. They only draw you deeper into anxiety, depression, or shame. You don’t have to live there. Let’s walk through these thoughts together and find God’s way to a more life-giving thought process. I’m here for you.