Mad at her husband again, Amy screamed, “You make me so angry!”
Bob’s red face indicated his inner battle to keep his mouth shut. Over the years, he’d learned arguing with Amy tore at the threads holding their relationship together. So, once again, he kept quiet.
Not sure what he’d done, or not done, this time, he quietly walked to the door and left the house. Maybe after he took a long walk, she’d calm down. Wounded and confused, he wondered how they’d gotten to this place in their marriage. They used to have so much fun.
Bob recalled the early dates, laughter, and long talks. Amy’s wit and intellectual prowess tantalized him. He loved learning her nuances. She challenged him in a way no one ever had.
But now, she seemed angry at everything and everyone. Bob hated to admit it, but he struggled to love her these days.
Bob recalled the early dates, laughter, and long talks. Amy’s wit and intellectual prowess tantalized him. He loved learning her nuances. She challenged him in a way no one ever had.
Your husband does that one thing he knows gets on your nerves. You’re so mad at him.
You don’t want to be around him, never mind support him, and intimacy? No way! You lash out in anger before you’re conscious of your actions.
HE makes YOU so angry. But is your anger his fault?
Dr. Paul Friedman, in his article, Why Am I So Angry With My Husband? states your thwarted desires are the root cause of anger.
Well, that hit me right between the eyes! How about you? Thwarted desires—someone prevents me from what I desire.
As human beings, we’re adept at placing blame on others for our actions.
But is that honest? No one can control your emotions unless you let them.
Dr. Friedman is right. Your anger is rooted in thwarted desires. How do I know? I struggled with anger in the early years of our marriage. Today, when anger pops up like a jack-in-the-box, I know to step back and take a look at what need or desire of mine isn’t met.
My anger is my problem. Not his. And it’s time to behave like an adult instead of a raging lunatic.
The Bible tells us to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so we can live together whole and healed.
A funny thing happens when you apply this to your marriage: you can’t be angry and pray for the other person. When praying for your husband, the Holy Spirit works on you as well. As my husband and I learn to apply this admonition to our lives, a more vibrant, more profound, more steady love for each other grows. It’s a daily choice to confess instead of accuse, to run toward each other instead of pull away, and to believe the best instead of assuming the worst. And some days we fail miserably. However, we keep at it.
So, the next time you’re mad at your husband, try one of these five prayers.
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When your husband does that thing you hate
Father, my Abba Father, I’m so mad at my husband right now. Please put your divine hand over my mouth so I don’t wound him with my words again. Calm me down. Give me the words to explain to my husband why this thing irritates me so much. Help me to express my desires in a way that approves and honors him. And, if I’m overly sensitive about this thing, show me and help me mature.
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When you feel ignored.
Heavenly Father, I’m hurt. I look forward to time with my husband after a long day. But, lately, it feels like he doesn’t see me or want to be around me. I don’t want to nag him, so please give me the words to draw him toward me. My husband can’t meet all my needs, but, Father, I miss spending time with him.
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When he lashes out in anger.
Ah, Father, this is so hard. His words and anger hurt me. I don’t want to respond the same way, so help me control my temper. Will you show him how his anger wounds me and others around him? Please reveal the source of it, and give him the courage to deal with it. Guard my heart from taking these pain-filled words as truth. You say I am your daughter and, therefore, have intrinsic value.
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When he confesses his sin.
Oh, Father, who am I to judge him for this sin? Yet, I want to. However, you promise in 1 John 1:9 that when we admit the sin, you forgive us. If you forgive this sin, then so must I. Would you help me forgive him? You remove our sin as far as the east is from the west. Help me forget this sin and love him as the special man he is. You gave him to me to love, honor, and respect. Give me the grace to do so right now.
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When you have to confess your sin to your husband.
Oh, God, give me the courage to say what I’ve done honestly. I don’t want to justify my actions or place blame for what I’ve done anywhere but on me. As you give me grace and forgiveness, please help my husband to forgive me. He’s done so many times in our past. Thank you for each of those gifts. Thank you for your forgiveness, Papa.
A funny thing happens when you stop raging at your man and pray for him instead.
Your anger lessens and your appreciation grows. The same Holy Spirit you’ve entreated to work in your husband works on you.
The enemy of your soul’s diabolical desire is to destroy your marriage. He loves nothing more than to create discord between two people who’ve committed to love and serve each other. He knows that every marriage reflects God’s love for human beings.
Jesus commands us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. Jesus knows that forgiveness steps on the head of the accuser and silences his voice.
If you’re struggling with anger issues, it’s time to look in the mirror to honestly identify the root of your anger. Doing the deep, challenging, and life-giving heart work will set you free to love and be loved.
You’ll still argue from time to time. You are human, after all. But, arguing or vehemently discussing an issue, is a distant cousin to angry outbursts.
Learn to respond in prayer instead of anger the next time you’re mad at your man.
You’ll feel better and so will those around you. If you need help, please reach out. I promise to listen without judgment and help you take the next step.
