You might feel like your emotions are running you over like a freight train—up, down, spinning in circles. One minute you’re calm, the next you’re flooded with grief, anger, and confusion.
That’s normal. And it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
The recovery journey after betrayal isn’t linear. When you’ve been betrayed by the person you trusted with your life, your heart, and your home, the path moves at a pace that works for you. Your journey will be different than mine, and that’s okay. What we can share are ideas, options, and strategies that help you at different stages along the way.
It’s unfair. You didn’t cause this pain. You didn’t choose this betrayal. And yet you’re navigating the aftermath, feeling exhausted and uncertain.
One strategy that helps women deal with the emotional rollercoaster is grounding.
How can you get off the emotional rollercoaster after betrayal?
Grounding is the process of anchoring yourself in the present when overwhelming emotions threaten to take you over. God created us with a finely tuned protective system in our brains, designed to keep us safe. Dr. Sheri Keffer, in her book Intimate Betrayal, refers to this as the UGG response—our body’s instinctive way to protect itself from danger.
Certain smells, songs, locations, memories, or even clothing can trigger this response. It feels defeating, but it’s actually normal—God wired us this way. Grounding exercises help you recognize what’s happening and bring yourself back to the present, where you are safe.
Grounding Exercises You Can Try
1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Method
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- 5 things you see: Notice items around you. Example: a lake picture, your blue chair, a favorite afghan, your book, reading glasses.
- 4 things you touch: Feel your water bottle, the chair, the afghan, the floor beneath your feet.
- 3 things you hear: Dishwasher running, a police siren, your clock ticking.
- 2 things you smell: Dinner cooking, a candle on the side table.
- 1 thing you taste: Focus on the flavor of your drink or snack.
This brings your mind and body back to the present, reminding you that you are safe right now.
2. Box Breathing
Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four—picture drawing a box with your breath. Repeat and notice how your body responds.
3. A Mindful Walk
Go outside. Notice what you see, hear, and feel. Walk barefoot in the grass if you can. Let your senses anchor you in the present.
4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Start at your toes. Tense for five counts, release for five counts. Move upward through each muscle group to your scalp. Feel your body relax and your awareness return to the present.
5. Hold a pet.
Cuddle your favorite pet or even a stuffed animal. Doing this involves your sense of touch, smell, and sight.
For more grounding techniques, refer to Healthline’s article on grounding.
Why this matters
Betrayal recovery is messy. Your mind and body react to trauma in waves, and that’s okay. Grounding isn’t about “getting over it” or pretending you’re fine. It’s about giving yourself a tool to stabilize, to remind yourself you are safe in the present.
Think of it as caring for the surface wounds first, before tackling the deeper ones. Sometimes, even as a coach, I want to rush into the heavy stuff, but my body reminds me: first, ground yourself. There will be time to process the deeper pain.
Learn from Elijah
In 1 Kings 19, Elijah had just witnessed God’s miraculous power, but Queen Jezebel threatened to kill him. Exhausted, he fled into the desert, wishing he could die. God met him there—first by tending to Elijah’s physical needs, giving him rest, water, and food. Then God encouraged him to continue his work, reminding Elijah he wasn’t alone—there were 7,000 others who still believed in God.
Like Elijah, your body, mind, and spirit need care before you face the full depth of your betrayal recovery. Grounding is that first step.
Dear one, the devastation you feel is real. The trauma takes a toll on your body, mind, and spirit. Helping your body and mind stay present during overwhelming emotions is healthy and productive work.
If you feel stuck or have tried these techniques but still struggle, reach out for help. Like God reminded Elijah, you are not alone in this journey. I promise to listen to your heart and help you find firm footing. We can talk about the deeper stuff once you feel safe again. Let’s talk.