“I’m so stupid. How did I miss the signs? Everyone else probably knew, but I was clueless.”
The day became dark. Storm clouds billowed and swirled overheard, with thunder echoing in the distance. Shivering as the wind picked up speed, the woman retreated into the folds of her coat.
“What a miserable day. Just like my life and marriage,” she thought.
She slammed the door against the howling wind. Leaning against it to catch her breath, she closed her eyes and focused her thoughts. As her counselor taught, she took several deep breaths and slowly released them. Finally, she shed her coat and tossed it on the rack.
“God, where are you? How could you let this happen?”
“I guess you don’t care as much as I thought.” She burst into agonizing sobs.
A few years ago, they’d talked about his struggle with porn. At that time, he’d assured her he had quit watching it. They discussed how porn couldn’t be part of their relationship, and she thought that was the end of it.
But after what she discovered yesterday, she knew he’d lied to her. According to their awful conversation last night, he’d only stopped for a couple of months. How could she be so stupid?
3 Easy-to-Miss Signs That Might Be A Warning
1. Seems more distant.
Life can get busy with work, kids, and other responsibilities. There are seasons when you don’t spend as much time together. Maybe you’re dealing with health issues, financial strain, long work hours, or kids’ activities. In those times, you and your husband often don’t get as much alone time as in the past. This sense of feeling distant from him doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. But it could be an easy-to-miss sign.
2. Missed family time.
Since the worldwide shutdown, many people have moved from office to home. While bringing unique blessings, this transition can interfere with everyday family interactions. You don’t get the physical opportunity to “leave the office.” Office time can easily bleed into family time without setting stringent guidelines or boundaries. This may be a new boundary issue to discuss. Or, it could be an easy-to-miss sign that your husband is viewing online porn.
3. Choosing to stay home instead of getting together with friends.
Many people struggle to figure out how to interact with people again after the recent shutdown. Some worry about contracting a severe illness if they spend too much time in public. A person who tends more toward the introverted side probably felt comfortable at home most of the time. Naturally, they don’t desire time with others, so remaining isolated feels okay. Why exert the energy to be with others? However, continued isolation can be an easy-to-miss sign of an addiction.
This woman isn’t stupid, even though she didn’t pick up on the easy-to-miss signs.
She believed her husband’s words and acted upon them. Nothing about the individual signs caused concern. It wasn’t until she looked back that she pieced together the red flags.
Let’s talk if you have concerns and aren’t sure how to address them with your husband. It may be nothing. The worst thing you can do, though, is to ignore these easy-to-miss signs. I promise to listen, ask questions, and support you as you unravel your uneasiness. Let’s talk.